A Tragedy in New England

Almost two years ago, on Dec. 14th, 2012, Adam Lanza killed twenty children, six teachers, and himself at Sandy Hook Elementary. He had already killed his own mother back home.

The state of Connecticut’s Office of the Child Advocate has put out a report explaining Lanza’s life and how many times his poor mental health was not addressed properly. [h/t to Albert Mohler] At the time, he was twenty and fully responsibile for his actions. As the Connecticut report points out, explaining how this could have prevented should not be read as excusing Lanza. Lanza made a choice to kill; his final actions were the embodiment of evil.

In early 2013, President Obama put all of his political weight behind gun control. Fortunately, now we have a report that explains the life of Lanza and may help us draw other conclusions from the Newtown massacre. Seizing upon gun control as the answer is a superficial way to address serious issues. Rather, my reading of this report leads me to conclude that preventing another Newtown would be best achieved by strengthening the two-parent family.

Born in 1992, Lanza appears to have had certain limitations. Certainly, he had some problems expressing himself but these difficulties did not have to stop him from having a relatively normal life.

In school he was quiet and, in the fifth grade (2000), he authored, with another boy, a very violent set of stories for a school assignment. This was shortly after his father and his mother had separated in 1999.

Lanza’s mother had certain issues. She was dissatisfied with her husband, who conceded that he was a workaholic. She also seems to have had a problem with imagining how sick she was. Medical records suggest that she was healthy whereas she told friends that she was dying. Finally, she seems to have coddled her son. One e-mail included in the report shows that Lanza comforted his mother, not the other way around.

I do not mean to single out Lanza’s parents, certainly not his father.  Being a good husband and father is tough and I have often fallen short. At the same time, while the writers of the report seem to ignore this, many of the dips in Lanza’s mental health were likely connected to his father leaving for Stamford, CT in 2002 or the finality of the divorce in 2009.

Instead of gun control, perhaps we could conclude from Newtown that a two-parent family may be a worthy goal that all of us should strive to make happen in the real world.

Divorce is not the only thing that hurts children. Plenty of married parents hurt their children in unimaginable ways. But, in this specific case, Lanza’s father seems to have pushed for more therapeutic help for Lanza; had Lanza’s father been around, living in Hartford with Lanza, he may have been able to make that happen. His very presence would have ameliorated some of Lanza’s mother’s tendencies.

From 2010 to 2012, it appears that Lanza had very little direct contact with his mother, even though they lived in the same house. Lanza’s father tried, from 2010 until 2012, to re-establish contact but Adam Lanza never reciprocated. In 2012, Lanza’s mother confided in a few friends with her concern about her son. By then it was too late.

Without making Lanza’s father the scapegoat of this event, Newtown should survive as a reminder that children are a precious commodity, and that they should be valued by parents above other comforts.